Why Do Men (and Women) Cheat? (RRR #9)

Reem Raw: Yo, yo, yo, yo... and we back at it. What's good peoples? Reem Raw Radio... Episode whatever-the-fuck-it-is... ya feel me? It gets the people goin! Me and Cameraman in this bitch? You know? We grindin man. Back with another one. At the people's demand. And you already know. Cameraman, what's good with you?

Cam: Chillin, I'm good man.

Reem Raw: Yeah man. So, where we at with it this week? I wanna give a shout out to Pretty P, this was her suggestion. The age old question "Why do men cheat?" So, shout out to Pretty P, she came up with this one. I had a couple other inbox questions. And they really revolved around the same thing so we just gonna throw it out there real quick. Give you my take on it. Let me talk my shit about it. So, disclaimer: This is my disclaimer. Don't go around in your relationship or whatever the fuck you doing and say "Oh, Reem said do this or Reem said do that." I'm not muhfuckin Dr. Phil and I'm not muhfuckin Steve Harvey! I'm just a real person, a real dude, been through it all and made the same mistakes everybody else did, so this is my muhfuckin umm, this my take. So how do you feel about the whole "why do men cheat thing" Cameraman?

Cam: Man I don't know. I mean, I think it's really a psychological side of it and then there's a physical side of it. And you know, what's a person's motivation for anything? In most cases, it's either fear or greed. And alot of it's to do with self-interest. Maybe part of it is ego. But at the end of the day, who knows? It could be a whole bunch of factors. Now the question is, is the person asking the question, is she the woman who's doing everything right or is she the woman who's fuckin up?

Reem Raw: Right. It's a whole bunch of factors in that shit. Like, you know. A woman doesn't necessarily have to be cheating for a man to cheat. The climate could be very hostile. Like you said it's a lotta lotta different factors. It's not one cut and dry situation. And you're definitely right. You can't have one without the other. Why do women cheat? What are their factors and what are their things? So my take on it pretty much is, let's just say you're a good woman and you get cheated on by a man. The man, the guy, your boyfriend, your husband, whoever it may be... Well I don't want to talk marriage. I don't want to talk husbands because I haven't been married so I don't even really wanna go there. I'ma save that for those experts. But just in a regular relationship. Let's just give some variables. As far as this is from the man's perspective to the women. Boom. A lot of ya'll don't realize that men are typically a lot more unforgiving than women. We really don't forgive as fast, as easy, or as often as women do. We don't forgive and we don't forget. And when you have a man maybe when you get the man. You might not know or maybe he might not even know that he might be already damaged goods. Not damaged beyond repair, but his past will kinda dictate how he reacts to certain situations. And all the women be like "Oh nah, don't let the past, don't bring that past bullshit. Don't be judging me off of what the next chick did to you." But for real for real, that's some real shit. Like you are your experiences. So if something doesn't look right in this situation that you're currently in and it kind of reminds you of a situation that you've been through already in the past, you're gonna feel that pain, you're gonna feel that scar. It's like if you've been burned by a fuckin stove before, and you feel something hot by your hand, you're gonna retract that shit! You know what it feels like to be burned. And vice versa, as far as women too, that could be it too. But honestly women, we be playing that cold-hearted, I-don't-give-a-fuck, non-chalant role, and most of it is our defense mechanism. It's our pride. It's what we use to make sure we're guarded. Like fuck what you talkin about, we gotta make sure we're guarded. So, I say that to say this again, bring it back on subject that men typically, we don't forgive that often. You might have a man who's been through some real bullshit, fucked over by one of these thots or one of these jumpoffs, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, just to call a spade a spade. And he might've been a good dude at first, looking for "all that romance crap" and all that shit. But, he got dicked over. And things happen. You are your experiences. The things you experience shape who you are. And then some dudes might not even know a good woman when they see one. How do you differentiate between things that appear well in the beginning? Cuz my take on it, you don't never know somebody for real for real until ya'll go through some shit. Until ya'll go through some real shit, you never know who they really are. Fuck all the flowers and the cards and candy shit in the beginning. You never know who somebody is until ya'll rock out one time, until ya'll get into it. Until shit get really real and ya'l both are there to face the facts, the other side that everybody tries to suppress in the beginning. Feel me Cameraman? What you think about that?

Cam: I mean, it's like this man. Some people are motivated and they're gonna do what they do outta spite. Some outta greed. Some are motivated by pleasure. Some are motivated by pain. Some people you gotta hurt them maybe, to make em cheat on you. And some people, if they out and about and they see something that look good, they don't have no restraint and they just gonna go for what they can get. So I mean, the only question is "Are you doing what's in your power?" You can't control somebody else's discipline and shit like that. You can't dictate what someone else's level of self-discipline is. But are you making sure you're not doing something to make them step out on you. That's the question. And some women don't like that. They don't like to hear that shit. Like look, some of these dudes is gonna cheat regardless if they're in the right situation. That's just facts. It's part of the way men's egos are set up, SOME men. Like, "If I can get it, I'm gettin it!"

Reem Raw: And that's a good point. Ya'll women have to understand that too at some point. How some guys start off, the origins of it. Amongst your friends, amongst your boys, everything is ego. You wanna be the best football player. You wanna be the best basketball player. You wanna be able to fight the best. You wanna do this, you wanna do that. So, when it comes to women, especially when you're younger, it's about how many can you bag? How many can you pluck? And it feeds the ego because amongst guys, amongst men who wanna be tough, who wanna be hard. Who were raised to be tough, raised to be hard kinda we be ego trippin and shit. That's the conquest. They don't tell you that women have real feelings and really be fucked up behind this shit. That's the flip side that you don't learn when you're younger. Like "I can't wait to go back and tell my niggas." That's how it is. That's the origins of it. Now, when you become a man and you got options. I always tell my homegirls and the girls that I'm friends with "a dude is never gonna stop doing what he wants until he gets it out of his system." That's why I really urge young men, young kings to get that shit out they system when they're young. Yeah, go date, go do what you do, so by the time you're a certain age you don't be chasing something that you should've got out of your system when you were young. This is how you see 50 year old, 45 year old heads in a 20 year old club still chasing something that they should've got out of their system years ago. Bottom line is, a man ain't gonna be ready until he ready. Until he feels like, "aight I'm cool. The attention don't matter, I ain't gotta entertain everything that comes my way. I'm cool and content." A man has to be content with who he's with. It's always gonna be urges, don't get it fucked up. Don't act like a man is not gonna have urges. We're wired that way. If you're attracted to women, we're wired that way. But once we come to a personal peace and you really love your woman, you care about your woman, you're content with your woman, then that's when he's ready. But he's not ready until he's ready. I'm speaking from personal experiences. I done fucked up plenty of times, enough to know to know this to. So I ain't just beatin around the bush or swervin nothin. Personal experience, my friends, my homies, I'm a dude. So ladies, ya'll gettin it from a dudes perspective with no fuckin filter. It is what it is. You know, you gotta be the right kinda woman too. You gotta be a woman that's worth respecting. You gotta be a woman who has morals as well. Not saying that that's gonna get you not cheated on, I'm not saying that. But you are what you attract. Everything is a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. You might be able to forgive a man for cheating. The man might not be able to forgive you just for simply entertaining a nigga. Just for saying "yeah, you gotta nice smile" or "yeah, I'll take you out to eat", whatever. It's different, we're different. Venus and Mars, we're different. No matter how you wanna slice it, no matter how you wanna shake it up. We are different, we think different, we're wired differently.

Cam: A nigga might cheat on you too, just cause he think you might cheat on him.

Reem Raw: Yo, men are really insecure. On some G shit. Don't let them muthafuckas fool you. I'ma keep it thorough with ya'll. Niggas is insecure. Real shit. Insecure and guarded. And a blow to our pride is... Why you think females be gettin killed behind this shit? Other niggas be getting killed behind this. You ask me, the number one killer of young niggas is other niggas and it be over money, but most of all it probably started over a woman. It's pride, ladies. It's pride... But let's keep it real. Don't be playing with multiple niggas and thinkin shit is sweet. Cuz a dude might go and off you, off your dude, your child. Like you never know who you fuckin with. And vice versa my guys. Women are very emotional as we all know by now. So you might catch the wrong one, stab, poke you up, she got "knife work, gun work, all kinda work!"

Cam: But I always say the equivalent of a woman's emotions and her feelings is a man's ego and his pride. So, as wild as ya'll women know ya'll can get when you feeling some type of way... Imagine a man with that kind of intensity in his emotion mixed with the natural aggression of a man. Now you dealing with some real shit! You dealing with a grizzly bear. And what the fuck you gonna do when he snap and wring ya fuckin neck, shake the shit out you?

Reem Raw: And imagine the emotions a man goes through once ya'll fuck around and do some bullshit. On one hand he's mad, but then he's fightin his self too like "Man, what the fuck am I trippin for? Fuck that!" He's fighting the reason why he's angry, the "Man, I'm not trippin over that bitch." But he really is trippin. So it's a internal thing and sometimes it can fester get up in your chest and shit and fuck you.

Cam: And I always say, men are not emotionally experienced like women. We don't the same range of emotions we got through nor do we get emotional as frequently. It's very rare that men get that kind of emotional where it's actually affecting them. So when it do happen, it's rare and men are taught not to express that shit. So we can't even grieve.

Reem Raw: So, soon as a nigga cry in front of ya'll he a punk ass nigga, he a crybaby, you be tellin your girls.

Cam: We can't get mad too much, we can't make a scene.

Reem Raw: And we're taught that since we're little. "What the fuck you cryin for nigga? Toughen up. Be a man. Blase, blah." This is what we're raised from as kids. So to me it's a good thing and a bad thing.

Cam: And you can't be stable if you always emotional. That's why men supposed to be kinda not cold, but not too emotional because men supposed to be stable. You supposed to let the women be emotional.

Reem Raw: We're supposed to be able to balance out our emotions and then on top of that handle your emotions. We gotta calm you down most of the time, we can't both be in our feelings.

Cam: Niggas can't be in they emotions all the time. It's just not manly. And it's not appropriate. A man gotta be tough, but along with that toughness...

Reem Raw: A man has to be tough, he has to be understanding, he has to put his self in your shoes, he gotta hold you down. And a woman's job isn't easy either. She gotta put up with a lot of shit too. But it's different, and the way we handle things are different. "Aw, he's so cold" or "Aw, he don't give a fuck" or "Aw, he non-chalant."

Cam: Look, anything that's restricted or restrained is gonna have an explosive release. If a man is damming up his feelings or whatever the hell he's thinking, once that shit release, it's a potentially dangerous event. So, women gotta know that shit. And maybe you don't got the man that's gonna smack the shit out you. But, if you fuckin up, he might go cheat on you though. Just to get away from you or wipe the experience of you off. Or forget about you. So that could be one potential cause. Maybe you're not what he considers to be a good woman. And he's kind of replacing yo ass slowly.

Reem Raw: And you gotta know what type of relationship that you're really in. Some of ya'll trying to turn fuck-ships into relationships. Ya'll out here playin for real. Ya'll not really serious. You running around doing your thing. That's cool. What I suggest is, honesty is the best policy. Whatever it is, just be honest about it. Fellas, it's ok to say look you know yeah I really like you, I don't really know what I want to do, I don't really know how I'm feeling about this or that. And women it's ok to be honest too you know. Like, if ya'll just doing your thing, don't place unnecessary or unrealistic expectations upon things that you know is some bullshit. That you know is just for the moment. Or you might as well not even do it. You gotta keep everything in perspective. "Ok I'm just fuckin with shorty. We having fun." Now when feelings get involved whether it's from the man or the woman's side, that 's when it's time to have that conversation before one of ya'll start tripping too much into your feelings. Everything should be out in the open. And even when you do that, somebody still gonna catch feelings. It don't matter. You can say "Yeah, that's just the homie" or "Nah, we just smashing" or "Nah we just doing this. We just doing that." Guaranteed, especially if the shit is good, it ain't gonna be no "Nah, it ain't no feelings, we can keep doing this." Nah, that's a lie. You're lying to yourself, you're lying to the dude. So, let's keep everything in perspective.

Cam: And another thing is, for some people ya'll have to define what's cheating to ya'll. Cuz I'll hear women say a lot you know "Oh he's emotionally cheating. Just because he ain't smashing don't mean nothing. He's emotionally cheating." And some women will say they're forgiving if it's just sex with no feelings. Some women will say I'm more forgiving as longs as he don't love her. So who's definition of cheating are we gonna be talking about here. Like I've had some women who was good friends. I've never considered nothing emotional cheating. But you know, it's just people I vibe with. They cool. They respect me, we get along. You could say we're kindred spirits, we got a lot in common. But to some chicks, that's too much for them. "You can't be hanging out with her like she your homie. Nigga, you don't know what she thinkin, she might be trying to take you." You know...

Reem Raw: Word up, women's intuition is a muthafucka.

Cam: What's up with the emotional cheatin shit?

Reem Raw: The emotional cheatin shit or "You entertaining these bitches" or "You entertaining these niggas." It's real funny. This is a real fickle kinda topic because it's so multifaceted. It's so many angles. It's like a war. It's the battle of the sexes. Who's gonna impose their thoughts or their feelings? Who's gonna put it out there? Who's gonna win that battle? What Meth say? "We can make war or make babies." It is what it is. We can't live without each other regardless.

Cam: I mean, the way I see it, it's like this. It kinda goes back to what you said. I think open and honest communication is the best policy. The only thing after that is, once ya'll discuss what bothers you or what you cool with, the only thing after that is who's gonna respect each other's boundaries or not. Cuz once you bring up the fact that some shit is a problem, now the ball is in they court.

Reem Raw: And I don't want ya'll to get it fucked up ladies because cheating can be helped. I don't want to make it sound like it's excuses or nothing. Some things are valid reasons to the individual but cheating can be helped. Nobody has to cheat. A relationship is always gonna have problems. I don't care if you was married 80 years. A relationship is gonna have its issues, you gonna go through your ups and downs. But cheating, actually having intercourse or something with somebody else does not have to happen. It's wrong period. So I don't wanna get that misconstrued like anybody is slow or stupid. It doesn't have to happen. Unfortunately, it does. But it doesn't have to. And while ya'll doing what ya'll do, if you're in deep... It comes down to a level of respect too. I think that's the basis of it. How much do you respect your lady? I ask myself these questions too. I musta not have really respected her if I did this. Or not have respected myself, I disrespected myself as well. So it comes down to respect like "C'mon, you really gonna do that?" Especially if this is a real chick. If this is like somebody ya'll just doing ya'll, don't lead her on. If it's just something that it can be washed away in two seconds like a gun that's a throwaway, you bust it off a couple times then you toss it. Can't keep it cuz it got mad bodies on it. Then keep it real. It's just a throwaway. But if it's somethin that's worth respecting, you might as well snatch it and keep it because that's a needle in a haystack out here nowadays man.

Cam: And yeah, I think part of it comes down to what's the quality of this person you're with. You know cheating could happen for a variety of factors, but if you fuckin with somebody that don't got integrity, or loyalty, or honesty. Or any of those positive things that would be giving a good impact on any kind of relationship. If this person is just not strong internally or strong in terms of his bonds with other people then that could have nothing to do with you. You could be the woman who's doing everything right. And it may just so happen you just got the wrong person. And you ain't know that until things happened.

Reem Raw: And ladies don't give me that bullshit either. Let me get on ya'll too real quick. I ain't letting ya'll slide neither. Cuz I been through it myself and I seen it with others. Your girl comes in crying. She just been caught. "Aw, it just happened. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know what happened. Please forgive me." The fuck outta here! Get the fuck outta here. No, nothing just happens. It don't just happen. I'd rather you just say "Yeah I fucked him cuz I felt like fuckin him. And it is what it is" than you come to me with the sob shit. With the crocodile tears. You running like a faucet on high and shit. I'd rather you just keep it the fuck funky. Don't nothing just happen because I believe ladies that you already know what you gonna do. What you're willing to do. And with us to a certain extent too. But ya'll are more emotionally connected to this shit than we are. We can just fuck and flee. We can F&F. Ya'll, it's a connection there some way some how. A man who says the shit just happened is some bullshit. Niggas shouldn't even be saying shit like that. Keep it funky. Women, ya'll use that line. "It just happened. I don't know what the fuck was going through my head. He was just there and he did this and he did that." No. I know how women are vulnerable though. Especially if they're going through something and they're mad at somebody and dude happens to be there and I guess he's the "shoulder to lean on." Get the fuck outta here. If you smart ladies, you would already see that shit. You should see that shit coming from a mile away.

Cam: To me, that's a cop out. Cuz women are more strategic than men. Women are plotters. Women plan shit. So I'm with you. I think a chick will know well in advance what she bout to get into. I'm not trying to hear that from any woman. Trick please! I having it. You ain't pulling that one on me. I might fall for something, but I ain't falling for that! So nah, ya'll way too strategic and conniving in the way ya'll be moving for me to fall for that. Try it on somebody else.

Reem Raw: Fuck that shit, man.

Cam: It might "just happen" to me, but I ain't believing "it just happened" to you. I've seen ladies that could make my defenses drop. But men is not the same. Men and women is not the same.

Reem Raw: It's not the same. And we're making light of the subject and I know I'm kinda joking around with the shit. But for real for real, man just keep it funky and hold on to something if you got something worth holding on to. First figure out if the shit is worth holding on to, period. You gotta go through something. Skip the "you're my world and my sun" and shit. Go through something first. Test the waters. Test their chin. If it's still worth fuckin with em after that, if you still feel that vibe, that connection after that, then I feel like it's worth keeping. It's a way to argue with somebody without being disrespectful. It's way to get your point across. It's ways to be mad, it's way to be angry without disrespecting them. Once you cross a certain line, then it's like "well, you just another bitch off the street" after that. Or "you just another nigga off the street" after that. So learn to respect your partners. That's a big word I'm using too that I'm trying to get across. Respect. Have a little patience. And recognize that you got something good man.

Cam: That's real. Aight.

Reem Raw: So I'ma get at yall. Let me know what ya'll think. Fuck with ya boy. Next week I'ma have something even iller for ya'll. We gonna experiment with some shit. We gonna play around with this cuz this is getting deep. I'm getting hella requests. I'm digging all of ya'll. I'm trying to get the most poppin requests and talk about it in diverse ways. And I'm trying to get everything poppin man. So I'ma start giving shoutouts and giving the people who requesting the most and give ya'll some light. So hit me up, let me know what ya'll think of this shit. Women, ladies, let me know what ya'll think. I know some of ya'll ain't gonna be feeling me, but it is what it is ya'll still fuck with me. One.